2009-11-07, 11:56 p.m.

Gah, how long have I not posted for. Not long right. Blahzxz. Waiting for my hair to dry right now, haha :D & while waiting for my videos to load :D:D

I know I have many things to do. My to-do list is not ending. It'll probably never end. Sigh, let's see the number of things I have do remember / do :

1. Finish writing eoy letters to the rest of my classmates.
2. Debate prac with my classmates on Monday at 8-12 [P.S. I'm not even involved -.-]
3. English Oral with Miss P on Monday at 1210.
4. NDC appointment at 2 [This is so gonna hurt cus he's gonna insert a metal band ):]
5. Sort out possible dates for Miss P's farewell.
6. Ring engravement with Cyys on Friday (?)

Kay I think that's it. Ahhhh, I'm killing my brain cells by thinking of all these. SIgh, & what the crap, I'm yawning now even though I slept for 10 hours last night. I woke up at 12 today and it's only 12am. Omg, I'm gonna gain weight at the rate I'm going ): But it's probably cus I practised alot just now.

& Eunhyuk's so inspiring. Totally. Quoting him, 'When I watched tv or looked online, there were so many people who danced better than me. I saw that and thought "Why can't I dance that well?" So it's harder mentally than physically. I kept thinking I have to practice more so I can dance like that."

It's exactly what I think to myself everytime I look around me or whenever I surf the net. Becoming an artiste seems almost impossible with all these talents around. I now understand why Nicole doesn't have confidence in herself. It's cus we don't really have outstanding talent. Oh well, it's indeed harder for me mentally cus I don't understand why progress doesn't come with practice in my case. Hahaha ): I still look as ugly and awkward as ever when I look at my reflection. It just looks weird. Sigh, no dance ever looks good with me doing it. Sometimes I wonder why, sometimes I just get depressed and don't wanna think about it. Lol.

What's more depressing? Lihmaan gave me this letter yday, supposedly replying the one I gave her. Kinda wish she didn't, but that'd mean escaping reality once again. I don't wanna lock myself up in fantasy world and think that everything in reality is perfect when it's not. I need to train myself to embrace the imperfections and appreciate the flaws. Only by doing so will I achieve progress and mature. But somehow, with her, it's difficult. Things're so awkward between us now. Sometimes I wonder why it came to this. Did the problem lie with me? Was I inconsiderate? Then again, it boiled down to my complacence. The problem with me is. I have this impression that people'll stay with me for as long as I want them to. But things don't go that way :/ & I still haven't learnt from countless lessons, idiotic me. Maybe it's like that for parents, cus my mum'll love me unconditionally. So more than half the time, I take her for granted and honestly, I think that I really am a bitch when it comes to respecting my mother. Sigh, I need to learn. & soon, before I lose everyone around me ><

To my dearest Lihmaan, thank you for being such a dear and sensitive friend. It's been incredible getting to know you <3

I should be sleeping soon, nights.

Yihui <3

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