Eunhyuk's Cyworld Update
The feeling is a little weird� Setting out with the feelings of debut�
Sigh, my Eunhyukkie. I'm not gonna sleep for him tonight. I always thought it's always nice to have someone stay up with you when you're awake at night. Somehow, you won't feel that lonely anymore.
Okay I really have loads of things to do. I gotta write Cheok's birthday letter, do the ppt thingy, get my homework done and study SS. I am screwed, ugh.
& my day couldn't be more screwed. Whatever that could screw up did. After being ranted at by Sharon, I left early and entered the car driven by my mother who waited for me for half an hour. I could tell from her tone that she wasn't happy cus I told her not to be late and reach punctually at 6:30 but honestly, did I want to end that late?! I fucking have a test on Friday and a full-dress rehearsal tmr at some shit RP which is at Woodlands. & it's not as if I don't have enough things on my hand. I'd had a long day, couldn't she understand? I admit I was wrong and my estimation was wrong but all I did was just to make her miss a mere 10 minutes of her show. Why the effing hell is that more important than getting to know how her daughter's day been?
Right, & now we can't celebrate Cheok's birthday. After me trying to arrange a way to get out of the rehearsal tmr afternoon (if we have one), girlgirl smsed saying she has tuition tmr. Okay I really wanted to say WHAT THE FUCK in your face (as in sms) but okay I gave it up. So it's once again, my fault. For not explicitly updating everyone on how I was trying my best to see if I could miss tmr afternoon's rehearsal, for not sending another msg to you after telling you I have a rehearsal on Thursday huh. This is brilliant, seriously. I was on the brink of tears when I stepped out of Mom's car, but who cared?
I thought watching Suju vids would make me feel happier. But I feel so suffocated. From always smiling and trying to make people's day. I'm sick of it. I wish someone would make me smile in return. I wish I could tell someone about everything that I'm writing here but noone cares. Cus every single one of us are just so selfish. We're so concerned with ourselves, we don't have time for others. I wish someone could realise the existence of Yihui behind the mask. All I do in school everyday is smile, laugh, talk. Sometimes all I want to do is just wail and howl. But yeah, I can't.
I'm yawning alr. Tired by the rehearsals and lessons but for Hyukkie, I'm gonna hang in there for tonight. Anw I have so much things to do. 5 hours in 3 nights. That's really scary. My beloved Suju, please get more sleep!! <3
I don't understand how my mom's able to make me so happy and frustrated. She asked if I needed to be early tmr and I said let me think, & she had to say "哎呀，算了啦。你讲早可是比平时还迟。" Yeah, whatever. I so needed that, Mom. You really understand what I need most. Fancy saying that. I was so amazed at myself in the car. My fist was clenched and I guess I held my temper in my fist. Thank god I didn't scream at her. Really, thank god. Otherwise things'd have gotten really ugly.
I am tired. Very tired. But I guess, beneath the smiling me, noone'll ever imagine that such a different Yihui exists. Even I'm surprised.
Like I said, many things to do, so lets get started.
Sa jib dae bak <3