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2009-04-03, 11:17 p.m.

So many, so many, SO MANY things to post about. Where do I start? I think that's what really bugs me.

This week has been.. Hectic yet peaceful. Ironic? But yeah, was kinda confused over many stuff, but I guess things'll just work out by themselves (:

Zoey was crying today, at the Specs stand. I was wondering if it was because of me, but she denied it. God knows what happened & I can only guess, cus she didn't tell me & she never will. It was really difficult to see her cry & ignore her. I understand how Heidi feels alr.

This week seems to be worse than the last. So many things weighing on me.. Lihmaan.. Zoey.. then I have other stuff to think about. Which is, really.. getting tiring. Talked with Heidi & Windy [Wednesday, I think] about Zoey, then somehow linklinklink, we started talking about some other stuff. Hahahah (: it's good to talk about it, I guess, but it doesn't solve anything.

Lihmaan & I are. So distant now. & I really hate myself for doing this, but Denise, I have nowhere else to say this : You are such a retarded ass who can't read people's emotions. I know that's mean, really mean, & yeah, call me a bitch or whatever you want, but that's what I really feel & it's what I cannot say out loud. To anyone. Cus there's noone whom I can trust enough. She's seriously, an idiotic freak who can be extremely nice & supportive, yet totally irritating at times. Like today, she went rambling on & on about LIHMAAN. ZOEY. NICOLE. Like, okay I'm fine with Nicole. But, Lihmaan? Zoey? & seriously, I don't know what's her problem, but she makes me feel as if it's all intentional, like she's trying to tell me "Lihmaan likes me better than you. Be jealous." Like, honestly. That's what I feel, & I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but that is the impression that you're giving me right now. Plus, she keeps telling me how she sees Lihmaan & how the reactions she get are so unexpected. Like, okay...? I hope I didn't make it too obvious ): I need to control my emotions a bit more. But okay, if Lihmaan treats Denise as a friend & is willing to confide in her & allow her to replace me, then I have no complaints (:

Zoey is. Another big headache. & I have absolutely NOONE to confide in. Denise is out of the question. Mok is currently obsessed with one person, so abit no point telling her, since she's the one who's bursting to tell me things when we see each other, lol! (:
My kiddies are waaay too young, so.. The people around me, they all have their own problems. I could tell Cheok, but I feel as though she's always listening to me lamenting. Then I feel bad for always troubling her, so this time, maybe not her (: which means, there's noone else. I can't tell Ner, god. That'd be suicide. So what do I do. Gosh. Sometimes I just want to sleep everything away. Or just not wake up the next day. That'd be lovely. But unfortunately, it just doesn't happen in life. Sigh :/

I have so many things to think about. But I feel as if I don't have time for them all. It's getting on my nerves, but I have to control it no matter what happens. It's not right to take my anger out on people who're not involved. Okay I have to. Control. Must.

I feel so hopeless sometimes. I don't know how to take responsibility of many things. & I always take the easier way out- escaping reality. Which really sucks, but okay I'm trying. I really am :/ I'm just thankful, really grateful for Kerrui & Shirlyn (: these two brats, they cheer me up every single time I see them (: I really love them for who they are & what they do for me (: thanks, you two kiddies! (:

Of course, Girlgirl, Sherms, Cheok, Mok, etc are equally important people in my life (: thankyou for being present in my life (: (:

Okay. An extremely depressing post! ): hope my days will get better (: & hopefully all of you out there had a better day than me! (:

Denise said I don't really laugh now. She said I laugh for the sake of laughing, or smile for the sake of smiling. I didn't even notice that. Maybe it's not the truth, or maybe it's just subconscious. Lol. Lets hope it's the first! (:

Okay, shopping tmr!! (: lets hope that cheers me up (: nights everyone, going to drown myself in Vitasoy :D:D:D

See you! (:

Takecare,
Yihui ♥♥

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