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2010-01-14, 7:20 p.m.

Math test today wasn't that disastrous! I'm so happy that I knew how to do at least half the paper! I have no idea why but I'm just really happy! & the mindset really helps. When I first saw the paper, no the first question, I started to doubt myself. I asked myself if I was really capable of doing, & I forced my brain to say yes. & wow, I managed to do them. A few at least. I usually can't do more than a quarter ):

But omg, I have loads of things to do! My diary is completely filled up with things-to-do. Haha, waking up earlier later to finish up my Binomial Theorem worksheet :/ & I have to re-copy my Probability notes. Rahh, plus I hate the fact that I'm not talking to my friends. Fine, specifically Maanmaan. I often wonder if she'll be by my side when I break down and cry this year. I saw her cry on Monday, yet the one next to her wasn't me. Which was when I really regretted not taking Higher Chinese, cus if I did I'd be at the hall and wouldn't have seen her so late.

It's always frustrating when. We smile as if we're unfamiliar with each other. Though it may be true now, I'm not sure, but I don't know how I can make things go back to how they were. Or maybe it's just destined that it shouldn't go back to the past.

Life is always so fucked up for me.

The one person whom I pray and wish day and night that would confide in me never does it. But I have those people whom I'm not really familiar to telling me their woes. Is this a hint from God that I should spend my time on those who're more in need? But honestly, I find that Maan has it very tough. She hates people treating her like a genius and making her seem exclusive and stuff, but I forgot and said that just now. When, two nights ago? Or last night. I can't remember. I was so depressed yday night cus of that msg. Cus her reply was "Haha thanks dear(: but youknow, im one of everyone too. And i never wanted my friends to see me in that way. I'll jiayou de, night!" Which was probably a signal to tell me to shut up cus she wanted to study.

Feeeeeling so frustrated. But I'm keeping it all up. I either work myself to death so that I don't think about her cus thinking about our friendship issues get me really depressed and whatsoever, or I start watching Star King or some other variety show with Suju or I just watch their live performances. Which is worse? Lol.

Back to watching Star King. I'll try to sleep by 9, then I'll get up at 2 tmr. To do my binomial theorem and rewrite my notes. My new alarm works wonders- Suddenly I hear "Babeh~~" Haha, RDD ftw.

Take care everyone, I'll pray for everyone's health! & ofc, to be happy everyday! (:

Muchloves,
Yihui <3

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