2010-04-16, 11:13 p.m.

I met a little girl just now while waiting for the bus. She was in her childcare clothes and I heard that she was 4. Her mom was with her, taking the bus with her, taking care of her. It then hit me that my mom doesn't exist at all in my memories. There's only been Auntie Beatrez and my dad at most.

Even in Primary school when I wasn't feeling well, there wasn't once she came to pick me up even though she was at home. She'd get Auntie Beatrez to pick me up from school. Dismissal, also Auntie Beatrez.

On the first day of Primary one, nearly all my classmates had either their dad or mom with them, otherwise both. Only mine didn't come, if I didn't remember wrongly. Auntie Beatrez sent me to school and went home before the bell even went.

On the first day in Nursery, I told Auntie Beatrez to stay outside from 8 to 11. I felt scared. After a few days, she told me the police'd catch her if she didn't go home. Kids being kids, easy to bluff, I was taken in and urged her to go home. I remember crying like shit when I came out and I couldn't see anyone I knew to pick me up. All my classmates had went home, I was the only one left. I didn't dare to go back to the centre cus the door was closed, so I waited outside until Auntie Beatrez came. & yes, it wasn't my parents, it was my nanny.

Compared to my sister who spent her childhood with my mom, my mom doesn't exist at all in my memories. It's quite sad if you think about it, maybe she's trying to make up for it. I don't know. But whatever it is, time lost cannot be found again. At least I had 8 years of precious memories with Auntie Beatrez <3 it's been 8 years since she left huh.. Time really passes so quickly.

Maybe everything's getting to me. I teared up when I went to say good luck to Maan, when I was walking from SPH to Braddell station, when I was walking home by myself. Tears can be so silent yet painful. Cried when I was on my bed just now too. Rahhhh. I need to stop crying over every little thing -.-

It's the end of the week. Damn, week 5's starting.& then Term 3 will start soon. Bah.


P.S. I hope people will feel love wherever, whichever corner of the world they're in!

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