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2011-10-05, 7:55 p.m.

Just feel like I've got to blog it out before I start studying again for tmr's paper.

Sometimes I feel like my worth in this big big world is so low. And it's not cus there're so many other people better than me outside. It's really cus my own mom thinks I can't do anything. I honestly have no idea why she wanted to have me. Yeah, for Sapph. What's new. She makes me feel so useless. Like I can't do anything right, can't do anything at all. Why do you want to make your daughter feel so degraded with your words. No matter what I do, she's always so skeptical of it. Prefect? Model? Make it to the top jc? Why is it that the person who says "You can't do it" and the person I should say "Watch me" to is my own freaking mother?

I don't get it. And don't think I'll ever get it. When I look at her, I wonder if she ever puts herself in my shoes. Sometimes I hate her, sometimes I want her to caress me like how a mother would without any skepticism. Sometimes I don't know whether the reason I want her back in sg is only to send me to school and around sg. Hating this. The China trip this Nov was supposed to be a test-point to see if I can survive without my family. Maybe one week's really little, yes, but at least I'm going there not knowing anyone. I'll have to make friends all over again and.. Yeah. Now I don't even think I need it. My house is like. Just a place for me to come home and sleep.

Life sucks everyone. Why live. Ugh.

Still have promos to clear. Can't retain ><

Hate this feeling.

Yihui

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