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2012-09-10, 4:22 p.m.

Alright so I've had been having very taxing conversations with Liying and trying to figure something out. Today I spilled the beans to my mom cus I felt really helpless. She didn't seem angry at all, surprisingly. She was rather calm about it and listened for once. & her concern after I was done was "So how are we going to save her now?"

I don't know man. I really don't. I wish I had the answers to everything. But honestly I don't. I don't know how to get her out of this mess. I don't know how to change her character. I don't know how to respect her like how I did before. I don't know how I can continue to talk about her in front of my friends as if nothing is wrong. I don't know a hell lot of things. But I know I can forgive her for the things she did wrong for the many more things she did right. But I'm still finding it difficult to do so. I don't get how she can join me in saying girls who try too hard, who look so desperate and give guys the feeling that they're easy are so gross. Cus honestly as far as I know... She's no different herself. No wonder they said ignorance is bliss. I was certainly much happier when I was revering my sister like a god. Admiring her and giving her every ounce of respect I had left after setting aside some for my parents and other elders.

It's really hard to imagine that this person I've been living with is someone I don't really know after all. And she's supposed to be my sister.

Will someone give me the answers to saving her? Because seeing her trample on herself like this kills me inside, really. The lady who taught me to walk with confidence and speak with class.. is actually another person entirely when she's not anywhere within my vision. I'm terrified and stunned that the sister I thought I knew is someone else outside. Although I've had friends telling me about her and her different boyfriends they see her with before, I've tried my best to just convince myself that my sister is so awesome she's so freaking high in demand. But the more I know, the more I find out that she's the one who throws herself at them... It's revolting. I'm so disgusted I can hardly think straight.

& the worst part is not that she's changed. But she's always been this way and that I never knew her. Maybe. Or perhaps it was just me convincing myself otherwise. That the sister I wanted to acknowledge was brilliant, had the answers to everything I needed to know, was an amazing woman and was a woman every man desired because of her intelligence and incredibility. Not because she was throwing herself at every single man she saw and getting labelled as "cheap" by them behind her back.

Maybe I just never wanted to admit that was the truth. That whatever my friends told me was not what the truth but rather what they thought. That my sister, if put bluntly, is really just like other revolting girls I know and judge.

It turns me off so bad. But I have to act all normal and stuff. Because there is that possibility that if she leaves, she's never coming back.

I can't tell which is worse. Will someone please give me the answers?

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