2012-11-26, 7:39 p.m.

Okay I'm going to be fine by 8. I will.

What a bad day to have an outburst. Why did I have to lose it today. As end tmr. I could have endured it a bit more couldn't I. Now my eyes feel puffy and tired from crying. Because I don't know how to put it across to you Mom, I'm going to write it here.

It's not that I don't acknowledge your effort to rush back and give me a lift for my papers. I do, I really do. And it's not that you can't ask me a question. You can. But I don't think you've realised how every call you make to me whether you're in Singapore or not is "Did jiejie go out? What time did she go out? Is she back? When did she come back?" & yeah that's about it. I don't need you to curse yourself or anything if you ask me about jiejie. Seriously you're my mother. Even if I'm displeased with you, it's not possible that I'd want you to die. Then again, everytime we talk, I'm so close to tears, I just can't say this. You don't see me raising my voice at dad whenever he asks me about jiejie. It's not cus we like him better or what. It's just that jiejie isn't all he asks about. Then again, if we don't talk about jiejie, there's also nothing much to talk about. So yeah you think that's justified. Sorry I'm petty and thinking that all I'm doing is a job of a secretary's who doesn't even get paid. After all to you I always felt pretty much like a non-existent kid. I mean, yeah you help me pray, send me to school whenever you can make it. But I really can do without those. I only need a mom who sees me as her child, not as jiejie's sister.

I'm so lousy. Have to focus for tmr's paper. Have to have to. I can do ittttt.

& unni it's not your fault. Haha it's just petty me feeling neglected by my own mother. Especially so in the past few months. Not that I blame you or anything. I'm abit envious sometimes, cus I know you're pretty much indispensable to her, even if she does get on your nerves lolol.

Okay 10 to 8. I'll be fine by 8.

Will own chem tmr. ^^


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