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2007-03-24, 4:08 p.m.

i'm in malaysia again. didn't really expect it though. i mean, i forgot it was my grandpa's bday, so it was kinda unexpected. otherwise, i'd known we'd be coming here and had done my homework. =.=
i'm here again, and beginning to hate my sister again. i just can't stand the way everybody treats her. the princess indeed. everyone treats me like a nobody. a mere nobody compared to their treasured princess they protect so well. they buy stuff for her, treats her so well, i hate her for tt. i'm starting to wish tt either i didn't come into this world, or she wasn't born, or i was born into another family. not tt i hate my parents, which sometimes i do since they dote on her so much also, but because i hate her.
i hate her so much i'm beginning to be afraid tt i'll do smth to her. the desire to do smth to her is alr creeping up on me. i want control over myself, but somehow i can't. and even my cousins treat her like a queen since she's got everything they want and she's the oldest among us, so apparently she knows like everything. they practically adore her. and me? oh haha. just nth compared to her i guess. everyone will just tell me you're still young, so you can't compare yourself to your sister. seriously, what bullshit. i mean, you look la. i'm younger than her by 6 years, so it's like when she's 13 i was 7. when she was 13 everyone who was a guest talked to her, wanted to know more abt her. and me? not much really. just a little abt me and so much abt her. then now tt i'm 13 and she's 19? everyone still wants to know abt which U you're getting into and what are your grades, how's your life progressing. what abt me? nth again. i'm so sick of this, i'm really getting so fed up with this, i feel like suiciding sometimes.
she's someone whom i had loved previously in my 12 years of life, and yet now, a person i've never hated so much in my life. seriously, i really hate her. i know if you're reading this you might think tt i'm just disliking~ but let me tell you, no. i just practically, h-a-t-e her. i hate her so much i feel like stabbing her in her heart so tt she disappears from this world. but i know i will never have the courage to do tt, and for once in my life, i pity myself for tt.

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