2008-03-09, 6:33 p.m.

I'm just really bored here, so I'm posting.

I think sometimes the way I feel towards Elisa, is how Inoue feels toward Ichigo.
Was watching bleach again just now, & I now clearly remember the part where Inoue was telling Matsumoto outside the bathroom, how she felt.
Inoue: Kuchiki-san is really something, isn't she? Even though Kurosaki-kun was really really upset, she was able to cheer him up with just one whack.. I'm a terrible person, aren't I? If only Kurosaki-kun would cheer up, I'd be happy. At least I thought that was how I felt. Then Kuchiki-san came back and cheered Kurosaki-kun up. I should have been really happy, but.. but.. but.. instead, I'm jealous of Kuchiki-san! Kuchiki-san is kind, strong and pretty and cheered Kurosaki-kun right up! I really like her! So why am I like this..? I never feel this way at school, but when I'm all alone at home, I just can't help it! I hate it! I'm so pathetic! I'm so disgusting!
Matsumoto's reply to her: Silly! Things are fine just the way they are. For both you and Kuchiki. Ichigo is still a kid who can't stand up on his own, so right now that kid needs both you and Kuchiki. What's so bad about being jealous? That's a difficult thing to accept, let alone stop. Did you know? It would be so much easier to just run around and lash out at the enemy. But you're trying to fight it without running away. You're plenty cool, Orihime.

I've never found a paragraph which described how I feel towards Elisa so preciesly, so I guess everything up there says it.

"Jealousy is a difficult thing to accept, let alone stop." Really must thank Rangiku for saying that. I can't accept myself being jealous, really. I find myself so petty when I do that, but I can't stop it as well.

I need to tell someone this.. but I have no idea who to turn to at all. I can't tell my friends in school, cus they'll think I'm les or something [WHICH I'M CLEARLY NOT; I'M 120% STRAIGHT.] I can't tell Sapph either, cus I can somehow anticipate what'd be her reply. I guess the best person to turn to now is Tianyong.. but a pity we stopped coming into contact. However, I count it a blessing as well, because if he was still my friend, I'd probably be more miserable now. So I guess it's more on the good side than on the bad side. [:

I guess I could talk to Girl about this.. [: she's just awesome. I can talk to her about ANYTHING. ^^

I really want to show Elisa this post man.. but the fear inside me is acting up. What if she stopped talking to me and not be my friend anymore cus of this.. I'm really muddled now.

Fyi, for those who still don't get the picture,

Inoue- ME.
Ichigo- ELISA.
Rukia.. - Ashley.

Have nothing more to say; everything's up there.

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