2008-09-09, 4:41 p.m.

Funny how a non-living thing is where I want to deposit all the things that I can't say to living humans. Ohwell, whatever.

I feel awful now. Like really awful. Like I don't feel like going to school tmr, yeah. I made Juan cry in school today apparently, during Music. But I feel like crying because of her now.

I went back to class to collect my bread after I talked to Sherms, Ner & Girl, & I was supposed to meet them at Father Barre after I was done.
I went back to class, saw Cheok & Juan, but they didn't see me & they were cleaning the board, so I wanted to take my stuff & then go unnoticed, but then I caught Juan say "Change..", so I guessed that they were talking about me. Then Cheok said damn loudly ".... I thought wah! She die liao!" or something like that. Then the ? came up in my mind, & I continued listening to the convo. Then I heard something that made me so sure, "SHE WANT EVERYONE TO CHANGE FOR HER, THEN IT'S HER LIFE ALR WHAT." It's in caps cus she kinda said it very loudly. I mean, I was standing at the back & if I couldn't hear her previous volume, this is considered pretty loudly isn't it.

So. Priase the Lord, I'm getting disliked. By everyone! First was Sherylynn. Now Juan. I think Denise also. Soon it'll be Girl, Sherms, Ner, & before I know it! I'll be like Cherie. How wonderful.

Maybe I'm really in the wrong man. Wait what the fuck am I talking about. I AM in the wrong. This is stupid. -.- & now that they bring it up, why do I keep telling people to change. It's stupid. I should just get on with my own life & not be such a busybody annoying pain in the ass. It's not as if they'll really listen anyway.

But I think I'm so sad because Juan was bitching about me behind my back. Notice I used the word 'bitching' cus she really felt like a bitch to me at that point. Like in that voice & not herself at all. I know it's a slang which means 'gossiping', but I'm using it in a partial-literal sense. Like bitching about me behind my back. Even when I talk to Nicole about her, I don't use that voice & attitude. It sounded as if someone who really doesn't like me talking about me. Oh, maybe she doesn't like me! Yeah okay that solves it then.

But weird, I'm not mad at Cheok at all. Maybe cus I know Cheok's that kind of character- she'll listen & try to work things out with you, & that includes scolding that person with you as well, so I'm used to it. But the way Juan put it, she really made me feel disgusted with her.

& Denise, stop acting know-it-all & try to help Juan & I patch up. If you want to know, the way you're going about it is wrong. So just stop it. If you haven't started, GREAT. If you have, you can stop here. THANKS.

Cheok was pretty nice though. She smsed me after she realised that I was behind the class. Said she was trying to help Juan sort things out, yeah thanks Cheok. You helped a Little Bit. Okay maybe a bit more.

LinLiJuan, this is the second time I'm posting because of you & if I have to post a third time FOR YOU, I think I'll just give up this tiring friendship. Maybe the only thread pulling us together is Lyns. & now that it's drifting further and further, the only stitch that still holds us together will probably be it. Once that snaps, it's over.

I love this new song from 棒棒堂, it's not because it's my idols singing it, but I love the lyrics.

问自己 有没有难过的回忆
偏偏你 在一旁吐槽当作回应
说一句 宇宙无敌的冷笑点
只有你回应 嘲笑我的低龄
眼前很多难题 别担心 我会更有勇气
绝招很稀奇 我们一齐出击
有一座秘密的基地 在这里不需要言语
那些不好对别人说的事情 我为你搞定
有一座秘密的基地 在这里有欢笑陪你

I guess this is my 秘密基地. You have no idea how great the feeling is, to have noone fighting with you for the same thing. & this will always be mine :)

Okay LinLiJuan, I'm over your problem. I need to get bio done by tonight, & I will.

Just something to make myself happy :) I'm happy with my marks for both Chem & Math :) above 20 for the first time. & if you're laughing at me, you can read the previous entries & laugh more. But you'd be pathetic person then. Lol.


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