2009-01-31, 2:47 a.m.

Yes, it is the 31st, but 2 hours & 47 mins ago was my godsis's birthday. Which made me feel damn rotten for the whole of yday.

Saying yday feels weird, so I'm going to type today instead. She told me she was going to tell me her birthday today on msn last night, so I was really eager to know, though curious at the same time why she'd suddenly disclose it to me. Then I went to look for her during recess after the ld yusheng, & then she said "Eh I tell you something ar. Today's my birthday." I tried my best not to cry on the spot. LOL. I tried, I think I succeeded. I don't think she could tell. But I wasn't pissed at her, which is what she thought I guess, I was more pissed with MYSELF cus I didn't bother finding out her birthday. & to someone who's always been so very extremely accommodating to me, I felt so guilty & idiotic. That was when it dawned on me : I'm always saying sorry, & that means it's too late to do anything else.

I felt like an idiotic loser :( honestly. The way everyone walked past her & said "Happy Birthday, Zoey!" while I just crapped with her, with absolutely nothing to do with her birthday. I bet she was really disappointed in me cus I really don't keep my promises. From the start of the year, I told her that I'd find out her birthday, but I never found out. & in the end, the word 'Sorry' comes out. As usual. & cus of this, I was so distracted during lessons & I couldn't focus, thinking what a loser I was, lol.

& she had a very rotten day today as well, considering the fact that it's her 16th birthday today. But she still said "actually right... i dont know la. i felt that i got to say this. I'M REALLY SORRY FOR BREAKING YOUR HEART TODAY. i didnt mean it. really. kinda of didnt realise that i'm not sparing a thought for you. ): i just want to let you know that YOU'RE THE BEST B'DAE PRESENT I EVER GOT. and i really mean it. I LOVE YOU LOADS. so no matter what happens, I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. PROMISE. (:" I think that's where the problem is. She's too nice to me, nice until there's nothing to talk about. & I can't believe she's still concerning herself with how shit I feel after her bad day, lol.

Okay I'm supposed to not feel bad after posting, & I hope I will :) just finished copying my Math E-math graphs & gonna copy the rest tmr. Filed finish too, so tmr will be only for Bio notes & worksheet, Math & Chem! I hope I have time, LOL.

I know it's alr the 31st, but I still want to wish my most awesome godsis a Happy Birthday even though her bday was abit screwed. I'm gonna get her her pressie tmr :D at Candy Empire, I hope :D must get for Mok & Girl too :) hahaha :D

Okay, I want to sleep. I feel, slightly exhausted. Okay going to hit the sack. Seeya :D

Yihui <3


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