2009-04-13, 10:15 p.m.

I phoned my daddy just now & told him that I was very stressed. He asked me why & I said cus I wasted, no not wasted, I spent an hour plus not doing any work. & he said "Don't be silly. You don't have to be occupied every single minute. What's important is that you've learnt something today." & I was thinking about that.

Learning- in terms of? True, I learnt something about Congruency & Similarity. But I think I learnt something from Vmok, Heidi, Windy & Denise today too. Which is, really, very tiring, but okay I'll try to persevere (:

I realised that Mok is actually very immature in her thoughts. Immature & childish. & Heidi told me that that's one of the reason why she wasn't selected for Exco. It's certainly sad, but I really think that someone should tell her that. So that, yknow, she'll grow up & stuff.

Heidi is. I really don't know. I'm very confused about Heidi. Will know more about her from Windy, I guess. I really don't know what kind of person Heidi is. Somewhere in my heart wants to know, but some part of me somewhere doesn't want to know. Sigh, Mok tells me all kinds of things which makes me very skeptical about Heidi's character. But okay, I have to remain impartial. & I have to tell myself, remind myself constantly that I cannot dislike anyone.

Windy is. Wah. Shock. Surprise. Haha (: never knew she was such an awesome friend (: she rocks la. Hahaha (: keep it up, Windy! All the best for your comp tmr! (: I'll pray tonight! I'll pray now, I guess :P

Denise is. As forgiving, as always. I really have to learn from her. She's super strong too. Never once could I be like that. I was on the verge of crying when I went down to look for Mok with Windy alr. But I consciously told myself "I mustn't break down here, not here, not now." & yep, I managed to do it, I guess (:

I never knew it was so tiring to keep happy. Never knew that it was so difficult to keep a facade. Never knew that it was so easy to let tears run down my cheeks. Sigh, what's becoming of me? Someone who can only think for herself & be strong for herself? That sucks. I don't want to become someone like that. I wonder how long though, I can keep this up for. Being the one in the middle is tough. No wait, it's more than tough. Being there for someone when needed is even tougher. I'm beginning to lose faith in myself, in everything around me. I don't know what's happening to me, but I feel as if I can just break down anytime & cry in front of anyone now. Which sucks ttm. I'm so not going to do that. I need to be super strong (: for people who need me.

I have an E-Math test on Friday. & I'm really not studying for it. Shit. I'm lagging behind in class alr ): I get so stressed out over Math, I can just start tearing when I do the sums in class. & Miss Rockey doesn't seem to care. Maybe she thinks I'm hopeless alr. I don't know. I love Mrs Tan ttm (: she explained the congruency thing to me in less than ten minutes. & I totally get it. Thank you, Mrs Tan (: I'm so sorry to bother you like that. I'll try to reduce it ):

My daddy told me life is like fishing. He said "When you catch a fish, you cannot reel it in immediately, cus the string will snap. So the trick to it is reeling it in a little, but releasing it back into the water a little again. Then you keep doing it until the fish is tired & then you can just reel it in. The point is to make the fish tired so that it'll no longer struggle. It's the same with your academics. There're bound to be subjects you're stronger at & subjects which you'll struggle with. It's normal. You don't have to get a grade A for everything, but you have to give it your best shot. When batteries are low, you take a break and recharge them. Then you chiong again." I was crying alr, but I hope it didn't sound too obvious over the phone. He really says the most unexpected things which will just get me crying. I'm quite sure if I told my mum, she'd just. You stressed for what la, so young stressed alr, next time grow up how? Ohwell, whatever. Ain't I used to this yet? Perfectly normal -.-

& I'm so so so so sorry, Yvette dear! I can't believe I bailed again. I'm so selfish, honestly ): so sorry. Thanks for being such a good friend & dropping it! (:

I need to study. Shit. But I'm really not feeling the motivation. & I'm feeling so tired. Should I sleep now? But I have to wait for Sapph to get home.. SIGH. WHAT'S WITH MY STUPID FUCKING BRAIN ): I'm so angry with myself. For being so dumb. For being so stupid. For not producing excellent results. I'm freaking pissed. With noone else, but myself.

I hate what I'm going through now. But I believe it's all to make me stronger. To bulid up my resilience.

I know this is really random, but I really want to become someone who'll look at others' pictures before I look at mine when Connexio comes. Sigh, I'm still trying though :/

Okaaaay, this is a long & equally depressing post. Don't feel very stress-relieved though. & I can't believe I DIDN'T HAVE ANY APPETITE FOR DINNER TONIGHT. I COULD HAVE JUST SKIPPED IT. SIGH ): Is that how much I'm being affected? Even food can't cheer me up now? ):

Okay, I want to stop thinking about this. I need to focus on studying. I can do this. Yay , lol -.-"

Kay, nightnight everyone (:

Stay happy & takecare,
Yihui <3

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