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2010-05-06, 10:04 p.m.

I thought I wouldn't cry today. But I ended up crying in front of like two classes besides mine. So superman sian. First time I go up to talk and I start crying >< irritating shit.

Anw today's motivational workshop session was abit of a shock. They told them to get into formation and basically they started tugging at us. Like trying to pull us out of our circle and everyone trying desperately to hold on to that person and not let that person go. I was watching from the stage and I was stunned. I only started tearing when I saw Ness cry, then Kim. I only started crying when the second circle shouted "IT'S OKAY VANESSA." So touched by what they said, seriously. I sort of broke down when the whole thing was over and Rasey said something like 'It's gonna be like that during O levels.' or something along those lines. Basically she meant that there'd be people who won't make it but we try as much as possible to help / save them. Couldn't express my emotions besides crying. Wanted to smile at them but it was seriously touching!! Ahhahahhaa.

Shan't elaborate on my speech. It was embarrassing crap. More than anything else, I hate myself for crying in front of 86 people. I hate myself for not being able to control my tears. If only I could've controlled my tears >< my speech was so distorted anw. Only Rasey made like the most sense cus she didn't cry. I absolutely hate myself for showing everyone how weak I was.

& yes, I did not only cry because of what I saw today. Personal issues are taking over me and I'm feeling it. The fatigue that's overcoming me gradually. No matter how much I rest, it's just there. Sigh :/

Oh yes, I finally saw Cheok cry today. Quite a different side of her, I have to say. At least now I know she's not heartless, lol. Shan't elaborate as well, just that I guess it's time I reflect on how I treat her and be more sensitive to her in future.

Shit, I still have letters. Fuck >< I think I'll write tmr. I'm seriously tired, seriously. Think I cried too much ><

Time to sleep. I am tired, like I said.

Nights,
Yihui <3

P.S. I hope Maanmaan cried and felt better afterwards <33

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