2010-05-08, 12:38 a.m.

Okay it is past 7th May. But why the hell do I still feel so not motivated.

I thought the motivational workshop was supposed to work wonders. Well anw, it has finally come to an end with a rather interesting conclusion. We freaking did an Emath test today without any warning and I failed with like an F9. Sec 3 Emath, by the way. I wanted to cry when I saw the paper, honestly. It was like the fear overtook me there and then. Omg scary shit. Until I opened it and started doing. But again careless mistakes all over the place, sigh. I can feel dejection taking over me again, hahaha.

Then we concluded the session with the whole cohort in Mpr1. The 真心话 part where we're like supposed to talk to the whole cohort. Can thank / appreciate / say anything to anyone. Cheryl, Flower and Rachel represented our class! & then yeah, that was about it. For some reason Girlgirl couldn't stop her tears and she burst into tears when Rasey was like preaching after the whole session ended. I'm sorry but Rasey's speech really did not touch me both yday and today, lol. Maybe the structure was too rigid and model yknow, which made it a little hard to believe. After all, she's lived the same no. of years I have, lol.

JOEL!! He's one of the most awesome guys I've known. Fun, hilarious, basically great. He's a great motivator. Last year it was evident that he was involved with the camp and everything and did his best to bond the class. This year he slacked and let us do most of the things by ourselves. I wrote like super long for his paper thing. So many things to say to him, really. Cus we didn't really talk last year, didn't get to know each other alot. I didn't wanna approach him cus he was being surrounded by Belle, Girl, Rasey, Sarah etc. I dono why this year we started talking. But yeah, I'm glad I got to know him better. & I'm even glad'er' that he can remember most, if not everyone's names after the workshop :) & one more thing I have to mention. I thought he arranged to be a Coach for this time's motivational workshop and to be one of OUR (4P specifically) coaches. But apparently not. I asked him earlier today and he said it was really random. Like company picked him to come to stnicks and he just happened to be in charge of our class. I really treasure this fate and I hope he will continue to touch more people's lives! Rock on, 老爸!

Omg, Marry U just finished playing with that paragraph I typed. WTF HOW CAN 3 MINUTES PASS SO QUICKLY~! Well anw I wanted to sleep at like 12. But I ended up watching the Suju stuff until like now. LOL. So very touching, the videos I just watched <3 I watched Donghae calling from China to Sukira and then passing the phone to Ryeowook who went "Teukie hyung!!!!!!!!" LOL. SO SUPERMAN CUTE KAY <333 then after that Leeteuk asked him who he wanted to see most and he replied "Teukie hyung!!!" So Eunhyuk asked "Hey how about me!" Then he replied "EUNHYUK HYUNG TOO!!!!!!" Omg damn funny. Then after that he passed the phone to Hankyung and he sent new year wishes 09' to the listeners. Can tell that they really missed one another loads >< Especially Eunhae!! ): then after that, I watched a video of Teukkie and Hyukkie calling Donghae from KTR on his birthday to wish him happy birthday and Hyukkie noticed that Donghae wasn't very happy over the phone!! How amazing <3 Donghae mentioned once how he hated his birthdays because noone remembered. Apparently only Ryeowook did <3 hopefully he will spend a birthday with the members one year in a very memorable way! <333

Last but not least I watched a clip of how the both of them expressed their thoughts about each other on KTR live. It was so touching. This was how it went :

To Eun Hyuk Jae,another year has passed,and time has passed fast.The first time I saw you should be when you are in your 3rd year of High School?But now,you are already a man(?),you've grown up...although I always say this,I still have to thank you for following this not-so-good Hyung,thank you.This year(2008),its a fast(?) year,in 2009,let us show the power of Super Junior!I've lots of apologies towards you,so in 2009,lets work together and change the history!To my dongsaeng Lee Hyuk Jae,I love you.

To leader Teukie hyung,who has always led
the 12 of us well and the Jungsoo Hyung,
who has a deep fate with me,really thank
you.I've said this before in a programme,
till now,we've known each other for 8years,
there was only one time when we quarrelled(?),
but after that time,we've grown closer to each
other.When I went to apologise to hyung,I saw
your very hurt shadow(?).I felt really sad.
Anyway,no matter how much hurt or conflicts(?)
we have,the 13 of us is always one.I've always
made everyone my brother,as a family.Thats why
I can always believe in everyone and continue
moving on.In 2008,the 13 of us never had any
schedule together,everyone was separated.But
looking at how the SJM members is working hard,
I feel very satisfied yet sad.When occasionally,
they come back,I've always said I wanted to watch
movies and eat together.But in fact,I didn't keep
my words,I'm sorry.This week,everyone will be coming
back to Korea for our concert.Next year,the real SJ...
At that time,SJ will receive love from all over the world,
and become everyone's favourite.Lastly,I love SJ.

I love the part about 'the 13 of us is always one'. Teukkie started crying when he said Jungsoo hyung (Teukkie's real name). Sigh >< so emotional. Everything seems to be so emotional nowadays.

Okay have no idea what else to write. I wanna be motivated but I think I'll have much difficulty concentrating tmr. I'll see.

Yihui <3

P.S. I wanted to look for you after the session but you were gone by then. I felt lost and wondered if you didn't want me anymore >< just a hug would have done, but you left before I could even say anything.

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