2013-11-02, 1:25 a.m.

Okay so today I watched possibly the best movie of my life- about Time. And while the story is very much literally about time, which is pretty much life, it was an amazing tearjerker with some epic wit and humor inserted. Probably no one understood why I cried so much besides myself lol.

It's been a very trying two days. I have been very tired since yesterday and it just got worse today. Cried myself to sleep last night and so I woke up feeling not too bad actually, more energized than i expected to be. Then I watched the film and it got me all fatigued again. I'm shag to even elaborate on what happened yesterday but basically it was my mom as usual lol. The fact that she hardly knows me hasn't changed. And so has the fact that it's impossible to talk sense into her when she's so fixated on her opinion that it's the one and only universal truth remained. She thinks I'm angry but honestly, I'm not and I can't and don't know how to convince her otherwise. I am just pained, incredibly, that in her heart I am such a detestable kid.

Today while watching about Time, I was kinda at a loss myself as to how to approach life. Sure I have a mom who will leave me one day but when that time comes, will I hate myself for not attempting to narrow the distance between us or will I be glad that I didn't create any more friction between us. I'm so fearful of unhappy memories that I don't even dare take her calls. She called me a good ten times before I finally returned her call, and even then I was hesitant; I was afraid.

With that said, who wouldn't want the chance to relive a moment twice? In this film, Tim consistently travels back in time to change history but at the same time changes the future as well. Between the emotional trauma his sister went through and his kid, I'm sure choosing to see Kitkat experience that whole accident was equally traumatic for him but it was a choice that had to be made. He realised that even with time travel, he couldn't possibly solve every problem. But he still saved her, just in a different way.

Then of course, there was the dad that just took the cake home. Cried sooooo badly when the news hit that he was dying. Then finally he passes on. And even then Tim gets to see him when he wants to. But then Mary thinks of having a third child, and that's when he's forced to choose between saying hello to the future and bye to the past. Choosing to have the kid'd mean no more visits back in time with his dad.. tough choice. So right before the kid was born, he took a final trip down memory lane and they both went back even further in time when Tim was a kid and strolled the beach together. I'm just a little sad that I never had this sort of experience with my mother. Just a little.

It was a brilliant movie. So brilliant it got my tear ducts all induced and now I'm dying to crash. So I'll get my work done tomorrow morning I guess.

G'night world, I certainly hope everyone's had a better week than me.


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