So.. It's sort of awkward between my mom and I right now.. I don't know man. What do you say to a mother who hasn't been home in a week and whose last words to you were "I detested you in that moment." I didn't ever think I'd hear her say that to me, absolutely never. Maybe I thought too highly of myself, or maybe I thought too much of the relationship between my mom and I.
I know of the saying it's still love albeit not in the way we expect them to love. But really, I'm not so sure anymore. I used to think there was a line that distinguished my thoughts from reality.. Now I'm not too certain if my thoughts are turning into reality. I do want to talk to my mother about it.. But I'm not confident of keeping my floodgates in check. Much less getting her convinced. I feel like it's so tough to hold a proper conversation with my own mother. Every time I try to, she starts bitching about daddy to me. They really should have just divorced each other ages ago. Sigh.
Okay it's 3. Gonna try and get some sleep. Goodnight world. Don't forget to count your blessings. That's how I'm getting past everyday. And today, despite all that has happened, I am grateful for the fact that my mother is still around.
And I wonder if she ever will be, for me.