Weekends are almost over so here's grabbing the most out of it..!
Been loaded with piles of work and obviously I'm not alone in this but it doesn't seem like I'm coping with it very well. But I'll wake up my idea from now on and hopefully something good will come out of it.
I don't know how else to move on if I don't let it out right now so I'm posting it here. To a very good friend whom I'm sure unintentionally caused me to break down yesterday and who didn't even realize it, I'm here to tell you that sometimes the stuff you say can really sting and I know you think that they're nothing more than just words of jest but trust me, I believe I know you enough to tell when you're completely jesting and when you mean half of the shit you say. I only want to let you know that I cherish this friendship immensely and you are a really priceless buddy but lately it feels like you listen with the intent to reply and not to understand and that bothers me, and it should bother you, a little. You obviously wasn't listening to me with the intent to understand yesterday if not you'd have detected the fatigue in my tone and even body language when we first conversed walking down those stairs. Yes my period did come today and all but I'm pretty sure I'd have managed to come off dry yesterday if you didn't lash out at me like you did, even if you didn't mean it entirely. To be honest, the you I know would have realized that I have unending deadlines and assignments to keep up with (which explains why we were late but I'm not making excuses for that; it was wrong to keep you waiting so I apologise for that again) and therefore understand everything without me having to explain anything. It was something that the you yesterday didn't realize until you saw me break down in tears and clearly you still didn't think anything you said had anything to do with it. Like yeah, it's stress, it's school, it's life getting to her. Well maybe you could help make my life a bit better by listening to me again? I mean, I appreciate jokes at the appropriate times but some jokes at certain times could be carrying it too far when usually I'd be cool with it. And the Cheok I know will be able to tell when the appropriate times are. That's how it's always worked between us anyway. The last person I'd want who takes me seriously only when I spout profanities or cry or yell would be you so please, don't ever get there. I'm very sick of people brushing my words aside like I'm joking all the damn time and I don't need you to top that list.
With all that said, you have been a wonderful person to be with and I still consider myself blessed to have you around. I hope our friendship stays this organic; for me to be able to tell you honestly how much I think you've deviated from how you used to be, which may not necessarily be a bad thing but the cons are showing a lot more than the pros, so that's saying something. For all the good times and the bad, including yesterday, cheers and thanks.