2015-11-27, 9:22 a.m.

Finally getting down to posting though I've been wanting to write since last Saturday. Somehow my browsers crashed on me at the same time but thanks to some magical force aiding me, I've gotten it fixed on my own.

So. Another 30 days or so to the end of the year and I must say this year has been sufficiently challenging. Can't even steer clear of people's problems in my own house. I really do find it pathetic that I have to resort to telling my mom about my sis and dad to even have something to talk about with her. I mean I've thought it but I've never said it aloud until yesterday. I was thinking maybe I'd make a list of how she shows her love for me cus I know that even if someone doesn't love you the way you expect him/her to, it doesn't mean he/she doesn't love you. So I was imagining what my list would look like. And there was nothing much about her being there for me. And the sooner I realize that and stop expecting, the more good it'd do for me.

I pictured us, family of four, in Europe in January before I leave for Shanghai in February. After what happened last Saturday, I don't think that's going to happen. I don't even want to ask her about it cus I already know what she's going to say.

I know that this is one of the few things I don't have in my life and I have a million more things that I do so I'm gonna keep looking at those.

I really am infinitely grateful for everything in my life now. It's not a bad life. It's just a bad phase.

Lots of love,
Serena x

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