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2016-03-14, 11:04 p.m.

来这里快一个月了，为什么心情跟我之前想象的落差那么多呢。

I don't actually miss home all that much, surprisingly. Yes I miss everyone back home but that's hardly the reason for feeling this down. Somehow I've been haunted by the feeling of disenchantment and that's really draining me. I suppose it is the whole cycle of reality not meeting expectations again but I didn't think I'd be affected this bad. It's probably also because of the discordant feedback that I've been getting continuously without any positivism. Saying work has been a bitch doesn't even tell half the story. But that's not what I'm here for anyway. I'm here to tell myself I need the disillusionment to wear off. Fast. And from tomorrow onward, I'm going to pay the most meticulous attention to everything around me because if I do, I'll find that it's really not all that bad. I'll find that there is good in this mess.

I'm hoping for that and I know it's not an impossible hope. Time to let that optimism come through and see the beauty in this situation that looks bleak but has its silver lining too. I need to constantly remind myself from tomorrow onward that there is a silver lining in everything.

Hang in there, me. You can do this. You're stronger than this. You're not going to let this get you down. You promised. And I'm going to deliver that promise.

Cheers to 21 turning 22 year old me in 3 months,
I finally feel like I'm turning into an adult.

Love,
Serena x

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