A penny for your thoughts
2017-11-03, 3:55 a.m.

It's been a while since I updated.. before I start, let me just say Happy birthday Alicia! :) so thankful you showed up in my life and I love you so much :') xo

It's been a hectic 2017.. and the year is about to end. With the year ending in just a couple of weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the many things that have changed my life in the last ten months. I came back from a year-long internship in January.. Completed my final semester in NUS with the people who matter without realizing how precious that time would be until it was over.. left for the States upon graduating.. spent a crazy magical summer in the most magical place on Earth by creating magic for Guests and by getting to know the most magical people that possibly existed as well.. came home to reality that I was no longer a student.. ended up taking finance papers which I never thought I would have taken because of one reason or another.. and it finally hits home that I'm standing at a crossroad with adult responsibilities. Where do I go from here? It's something that I'm still trying to figure and I get a vague feeling that I'll be trying to figure that out for the rest of my life which is all good I guess, as long as I'm doing the figuring out with the right company. Knowing that I have people who will be behind every decision that I make makes me feel so assured that I feel like it's all right even if I screw up here and there. Blessed am I truly :')

The watershed this year had to be the whole fiasco with my extended family on my mom's side though. Thinking about it at this hour makes me sad that we are no longer family with them and that it's practically impossible to go back to how we were. We once made a promise to one another that we wouldn't let the adults' affairs get to us but I guess in the end, we adulted as well.

Silver lining in everything though. Mummy came home for good because of that and I feel like this is probably a second chance for all of us to catch up on lost time. We had a chat just the other day and I actually felt like we made some progress for once. Not too sure what it was that propelled me to be more honest than I'd ever been but it felt like Mom was receptive for a change. And wrt sister, thanks to the two hour conversation I had with Jamie, she reminded me that I owe her for the past 23 years. And for that alone, it's on me to at least attempt and not give up on my sister. So that's what I've been trying to do as well - adjust my mentality to one that ceases judgment and criticism. Just listen.

So yeah 2017 has really been a year of ups and downs. I had the most magical time of my life but I also hit rock bottom when my family was going through all sorts of threats from people who were supposedly family and whom we thought we knew. Probably the hardest part of it all was and is still not knowing who they truly are. And also the fact that all that is left of the relationship are the memories that we hold of them and that Facebook prompts occasionally. Somehow that's a very bittersweet feeling - realizing that you can't go any further than memories in a relationship but also realizing that they can no longer hurt you. It's another way of letting go too I suppose.

Random thoughts at night that I thought I should pen down since twy kept highlighting to me tonight that I should keep a journal to keep track of what is going on in my life haha. It's been a good day :')

Serena x

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